In relationships no two people come together completely healed. Some relationships may have a grander dynamic to heal than others. The coming together, the experience is meant to heal past patterns, paradigms, and your soul.
In our journey we learn to set boundaries, needs and wants that we are expecting in each of our relationships: family, children, romantic relationships, friendships, colleagues, and the world. In each type of relationship, there may be some different expectations ~ you don’t expect the same from family as colleagues like showing up for a holiday dinner. However, the underlying current, the main foundation of all relationships is the same no matter the type.
It’s an important practice to sit with ourselves to determine what that boundaries are. To be clear in understanding with ourselves, so that we can communicate them clearly when the opportunity comes into our reality.
When we are specifically talking about romantic relationships, our humanness will sometimes let those boundaries fall, easily and effortlessly. Especially if we are healing self~worth and deservedness. Why? Because we are wanting love. And someone is standing in front of us, so they must be willing to give that to us.
Even when someone is “your person”, you must hold true to what your boundaries are, maintain the precedence of what you are wanting. Our humanness thinks, “Well, they should know, they should be willing, they should easily do this for me.” Our humanness is forgetting or letting slip out of our minds that the two have come together to heal and there must be the communication of boundaries of what is needed. That is how integration comes into play, by putting it into practice.
Our humanness wants the relationship to come in a pretty white box with a pink ribbon and a beautiful lily on it. Perfect in its arrival.
In the movement of the relationship, it is important to feel the freedom of communication, to be in integrity and your power of setting the precedence for what you are wanting in the relationship without shame, guilt or the fear that the other may walk away.
If we let the fear take hold, in time we will find ourselves in the old paradigm that we have worked so hard in establishing for ourselves. As well as, unhappy, unsettled, irritated and even resentful. Things will fall apart.
I found myself in that exact same spot, in the place of brokenness. Not fully grasping what had happened. Telling Spirit, “I want it back, I want that relationship!”
“Do you? Is that truly the relationship you want?” Crystal clear response from Spirit.
I took a step back and thought about it. I care about him, I love him. Then the cloud cover began to clear, and I saw where we had allowed boundaries to crumble. Where we both ended up in the exact same spot that we swore we never wanted to be. And the questioning, “How? Why did I end up back here? This is what I was working on getting away from.”
Love. Love is the answer.
“No, no it’s not the relationship that I am wanting.”
It’s important to have compassion and understanding with ourselves and say, “Oops, I back peddled a bit, I need to re~establish my boundaries. I forgive myself, I wanted love, I got comfortable, and I let down my boundaries.” No judgement. Letting go of outcomes, letting go of attachment if that’s your person. Because it will never be the relationship you are wanting if you are not meeting each other’s needs.
You must stay true to what you are wanting in a relationship and continue to set a precedence. That’s keeping the healthy boundary with yourself and staying true to you.
During my recent trip to Pollock Pines (about 45 miles south of Lake Tahoe), my soul sister, Lisa, and I decided to take a drive to see if we could find an area where we could do a little hiking and be with the trees and hopefully there would be water nearby. Lisa’s map app led us to Sly Park Recreation Area. We pulled up to the gate and greeted the attendee.
Jeannie was the sweetest host. Can you believe this is her retirement job? She works five minutes from home, gets to look out onto a beautiful lake, tall trees and nature all day? What a beautiful life, and she was grateful. She asked what our plans were and told us about a waterfall we could hike to. We were excited.
We drove the 2.5 miles into the park towards the parking area where we would begin our hike. We were in awe, the peacefulness already coming within the car and touching our skin. The view was just beautiful of the lake surrounded by trees. There are two little islands within Jenkinson Lake.
The park is open for day trips, whether you are just coming in for a picnic, kayaking, boating, etc., or you can camp as well ~ tents or campers.
We pulled into the parking area for the waterfall. There were many different paths, that were not clearly marked. We asked a worker, also retired and loving his job, how we get to the waterfall. He quickly gave us directions that sounded a lot like, “take a left, left, over the bridge and left”. It was about a mile hike to the waterfall. Okay, how hard could it be?
Water in hand, we began our trek. Nature, the sounds, the smells, the vibrations.
We started talking about what has been going on in our lives, what our processes have been, and where we are wanting to move into in our lives.
Along the walk I could feel the elementals all around us. They were joyous and dancing. I could also sense our ancestors walking with us, letting us know that they were there for us along the journey. We also found walking sticks, which made us feel like true hikers!
We came to a fork in the road. There was no sign stating which way the waterfall was. And all I could remember the worker telling us was left, left. So that’s what we did.
The walk became steeper, much more intense. We could hear the water flowing to our right, so we felt we were getting closer. But we were going higher. Which didn’t totally make sense unless we were going to the top of the waterfall.
We came across this fallen tree that laid across the path. We took a little rest, taking pictures and then decided to continue our trek.
Just on the other side of the fallen tree the path became almost non-existent. The walking path was not as open as it was before, the overgrowth of the brush coming onto the path, and it was dry, as we were no longer under the cover of the trees, we were out in the open. We began to question if we were going the right way. We walked back to the ledge and could still hear the water flowing. This path, however, was not clear. And it didn’t seem right that we should continue as there was no true direction.
So, we turned around. We questioned how we could have gone the wrong way and why the signage wasn’t clearer.
We both suddenly marveled at “our predicament” and our lesson from Spirit.
Sometimes on our journey, we don’t have a clear direction, or a clear path to where we are going. We may make wrong turns, or there may be some insights here and there, or we are unsure of what is the right path for us to take. The true journey is learning to navigate our way there.
In life when things aren’t working out in one direction, we always have the option of turning around and deciding to go in a different direction. To try a different route to get a different outcome. We can do that with understanding, forgiveness, and compassion with ourselves when we need to turn around and go a different way.
It doesn’t mean we were wrong. We learned something, grasped experience, or got to take pictures of a fallen tree and a bee on a beautiful flower.
We found our way back to the fork in the road and joyously went in that direction. We were soon met by the sound and smell of the fresh waterfall.
We felt the ever~flowing love and guidance of Spirit. It was beautiful.
Nature called to me over going to the gym this morning. So, I listened. I have been working a lot on feeling, sensing, and knowing that abundance flows through me in all areas of my life. And let me be honest here… especially with finances.
My humanness taking me into the old beliefs, thought patterns, and upbringing of scarcity. “There is never enough,” and “Will there be more?” There is an ingrained belief within me that financial abundance is not continuous.
I’ve been working with my inner child and adolescent to heal the wounds of when my father chose to not help support my Mom and I after their breakup. My Mom left to do it all on my own. The creation of the belief, “My needs and necessities are not met.”
Spirit has been reminding me daily that the Universe is abundant in all ways. As I started on my walk on the trail this morning, I immediately found two pennies and a dime!
“Abundance reigns! Thank you Spirit!”
From the beginning of my reawakening, pennies have been a sign from Spirit to trust the process.
As I continued my walk, I came across the Aliso Creek, flowing through ~ and was reminded how the water finds its way around and over the rocks and over the dirt to find its path. I looked all around me and found shrubs, trees, and even wildflowers growing out of the very dry dirt. Spirit reminding me the flow of life and abundance in all conditions. I marveled and soaked in as lizards scurried across my path, dragonflies, beetles, and all sorts of birds flew around me in their natural habitat. Having the water to drink, the flowers and berries to receive their food.
I took a deep breath in and allowed for this abundance to flow, flow through every fiber of my being, my heart and soul. Thank you Spirit, God, Goddess, All That Is. So Much Gratitude!!
You reach for so many things in life. I don’t know why not love too.
I know fear, so familiar with it and its stories and dynamics. Controlling so many things in my life.
But to walk away from something where you “feel so much”, I still don’t understand in my humanness. After all this time.
The first day we met, you asked if I could find you love, and there I stood.
A year later you said you felt I could love you unconditionally, and there I stood.
My arms open, my heart open.
And you still walked away.
I don’t place it all on you. I have learned to take my own responsibility. Falling into old patterns that have never served me.
Allowing my want to be in your arms to overshadow of where I was headed, where we were headed in breaking the healthy boundaries of co~dependency and high standards that we both had agreed upon.
The thought of losing you again devastating me.
But Yoda is right, you must “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”
My heart knows you. My soul knows you.
My hope is that you learn to know yourself, learn to know your heart, and learn to know your soul.
That you become aware that you are worthy and deserving of the true love you spoke of. Whether with me or another, I set you free for whatever that may be.
From the first day, to this day, and every day in between, I have loved you.
Loved you unconditionally.
For many years I dreaded the question. That question that inevitably comes through the mouths of those curious minds when you have been single for a while… or many years as I have.
“So, are you dating anyone?”
I delighted in those few moments along the years when I could joyfully answer, “Yes I am!” Those moments never lasted long and so most of the time I would plan and practice my answer so as not to sound defeated, different or incompetent.
So many nights that I would cry for hours when my kids weren’t with me and I had no plans and I was all alone. I hated being alone.
Because we’re raised and live in a society that leads us to believe that if we’re not in a relationship, if we can’t find someone, then something is obviously wrong with us. Clearly this must be the truth because someone not wanting to be in our life must mean that we are untouchable, we are unlovable.
So much of myself was built around this belief that I turned myself over and gave everything of myself to find someone, just anyone. Please, someone just love me.
I became so hastily in pursuit of this someone that I jumped full throttle, both feet in without giving myself a moment to breathe, to feel, sense and understand what was happening around me. In the beginning so eager that someone was actually paying attention to me… can you believe it?? To me!!
I would forget what I wanted to stand up for in myself and how I wanted to be within a relationship because I was so excited to be noticed, to be somewhat pursued ~ even in the most of minimal ways ~ and so suddenly, there I would be standing knee deep in something that had no depth, no real meaning, and no foundation.
Along the moments, abandonment kept rearing its ugly head. Sudden silence on the other end, sudden endings of relationships with true reasoning left unsaid. I found this beginning to circle around in jobs, friendships, as well as the romantic relationships. That’s when I really began to question myself.
What’s happening and why the hell can’t I get this right?
So many other people don’t seem to be having the same issues as I am. Easily staying in a relationship, or quickly in the blink of an eye finding themselves easily and effortlessly in the arms of someone new.
When friendships began dwindling ~ the newfound ones, the rekindled ones and the ones I thought would be around forever ~ I began to really take a long hard deep look within myself. It’s not always fun to look at the dark shadows within the self.
I’m grateful for what I have learned along my spiritual journey, my soul awakening. To bring me to an understanding, surrender and want to have clarity within my life of who I am and where I am wanting to evolve more in my body, mind, soul and heart.
Foundations and healthy boundaries are important in any relationship that is being established. Whether a parent, sibling, friend, co-worker or romantic partner. If there is no understood dynamic of who each of you are, what you stand for, and what it is that you are wanting then you cannot move forward.
I found that I never truly allowed myself a moment to breathe, a moment to hear what was being said by the other person, a moment to see if an action was going to meet up to the words being uttered. A moment to tune into how I was feeling as things were being said, whether they were belittling, triggering, projected, angry words, or sweet, loving words. A moment to tune into a ping in my gut as my intuition was screaming for me to pay attention to a red flag that was waving furiously within my face.
A moment to speak the words that were within my head that I was too afraid to say because I was too afraid someone might leave me. I was too afraid to be alone.
In my moments of being single, of being alone, I have learned to be comfortable with myself. I have learned to know what it is that I am wanting in friendships and a romantic companion, and how I want to be treated, and how I treat others, is the same no matter the title of the relationship.
I have learned to speak up for myself and to show all aspects of myself, no hiding, no quivering because I know that if I do, it’ll never work. I’m just gonna come bursting out anyways. I’ve learned to listen, to allow the actions to show up. To allow the breaths to give myself space.
I no longer fear not being in a relationship, I no longer fear being with myself. I learned that I’d much rather be with myself than in an unhealthy relationship that isn’t going anywhere.
Most importantly I have learned to like myself, to love myself unconditionally.
Absolutely I am wanting to bring loving, healthy relationships into my life. I am wanting to share my life with a partner who honors, respects and loves me just as I do him. Who understands that building a foundation is important and is willing to take the time to do so, because after all, we’re wanting to spend the rest of our lives together… and that will take some moments in time.
*I took this picture on Kalama Beach in Maui. I went to the beach that day to do a healing ceremony to bring in deep love within myself and a romantic partner. These two heart shaped rocks were just sitting there, a gift from the Universe, waiting for me.
2019 has started off with a bang, and not quite the bang we were all wanting. There has been a lot of upheaval, chaos, and unexpected happenings. Pair that with Mercury Retrograde and we are all spinning and not quite able to catch our breath… or ourselves.
We are as individual souls and as a collective conscious, experiencing an up~level awakening. Our human reaction is to go into fear and continue the same old patterns that we are used to. But this is not the time to do so.
It is a time of changing the old dynamics and old paradigms. A shifting out of the old.
We are pregnant, as my beautiful friend reflected the other day.
Co~creating with the Universe what new aspects we are wanting to bring to the world, in a whole new way or an evolvement of what we have been doing.
This re~birthing of the self, of the soul, is making us completely let go of the old way of being in order to birth the new. We can no longer hold on to large or minute aspects of the old. The new consciousness cannot allow for it.
Because it keeps us in the same loop, the same pattern. In order to shift into all that we are becoming, we must let go of the old.
This may mean that our business isn’t functioning the same as it was before, our relationships aren’t flowing as they were before, even if we are doing everything the same. It is our nature to begin to fret and become anxious, stressing ourself out.
The Universe, Spirit is asking:
“In what ways can you show up differently, not only for the world, but for yourself?”
Personally, I have found myself working ten hour days, squeezing in yoga or physical training, eating quickly, trying to get more work in and then still finding myself behind. Not completing everything I want, not working on certain parts of my business that I want ~ the new aspects waiting to be birthed. Leaving me feeling not only emotionally, physically drained and exhausted, but incomplete.
In these times, we may feel unsupported by Spirit. Not understanding why this cycle is continuing on. I use the analogy of a bicycle wheel going round and round and round. We don’t like it, but it continues.
Often, we can forget our own free~will, our own empowerment to move in a different direction. We cannot expect Spirit to do it all for us. Establishing how we can show up different first for ourselves, can then help us show up differently for other people, the world and Spirit.
What is it that you need to make this happen? How do you function best throughout your day and week to maintain a healthy balance? For most of us this is our meditation practice, healthy meals, yoga and exercise. We need to ensure that we are implementing these aspects so that we can be at our best for ourself.
Growing up we may have been taught this is selfish by our parents or society. We need to let that mentality go. In order to move into a new consciousness, we must take these steps for ourselves to bring an even deeper awareness into our reality.
Instead of trying to bring the peace first to our outside elements, we must first bring the peace within ourself.
During this trying time, please make sure to allow yourself the time for what your body and soul is needing. Processing any type of guilt, shame, and the dynamics that you may be challenged with and then letting it go. Giving yourself the love and attention that you are needing.
As we do this, we are taking control and stepping into our new way of being, our new path and allowing for the space for Spirit to do their magic.
Wishing you magical blessings.