Learning To Not Make Assumptions
I am blessed to be a Life Guidance Counselor at a women’s rehabilitation facility. The focus of the group is a combination between Healthy Boundaries with oneself and others as well as “The Four Agreements“ by don Miguel Ruiz. “The Four Agreements“ teaches us about four main analogies that we can change from our belief system: ‘Be Impeccable With Your Word’, ‘Don’t Take Things Personally’, ‘Don’t Make Assumptions’, and ‘Always Do Your Best’.
I am with the women at this facility for the first 30 days in their treatment, one hour once a week. So basically, just about four group sessions. It’s a different dynamic between helping those who are willing to go within and work on themselves and those who are willingly in a program, but in a mandatory group session that they’re not so thrilled about. However, when the day is over, the truth is, that they have chosen to be in rehab to grow, learn and evolve. I had one such beautiful experience with a particular patient.
As I was setting up she said, “MayLynne before we get started, I’d like to share something with you as this will be my last day with you.”
She continued, “When I first met you I hated you and I hated this class. I told myself that this class was so stupid and I didn’t want to have anything to do with it. But I realize now that it had nothing to do with you. That those were my assumptions and about the things that I didn’t want to look at about myself. I have learned so much from this group. I stand taller now knowing that I can take control of my life and that other people’s actions are not about me, and that I can make healthy boundaries for myself that feel right for me. I was completely wrong about you. You are a caring, loving, compassionate and strong woman. I can feel that you have been through a lot and that you do the work you do to help others through their struggles. And I thank you for that.”
If I could have, I would have hugged her. In that moment I was so proud of her for making that realization about herself and that in the short amount of time that I had with her that she had made changes. I prayed that she would continue on in her life always remember that she had the power within herself.
Interestingly enough, that day’s discussion was ‘Don’t Make Assumptions’ from “The Four Agreements“. So often we make assumptions from other people’s actions – whether we know them or not; what we think others might be thinking, and what others perceptions of us are. The truth is, almost always we don’t know their story is or what they’re truly thinking about themselves, let alone what they’re thinking about us. We don’t know what is going on in their life publicly, privately or the struggles they may be having within. We inadvertently make those assumptions based on what we were ingrained to believe by society or environment and we believe that it is the truth. But it is most likely not the truth. Only when we take the time to truly get to know someone and they allow us into their world can we truly know the truth. Asking questions and discussing what is bothering you can also shed light on the situation.
“We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption that humans make. And this is why we have a fear of being ourselves around others. Because we think everyone else will judge us, victimize us, abuse us, and blame us as we do ourselves. So even before others have a chance to reject us, we have already rejected ourselves.” – “The Four Agreements’” don Miguel Ruiz
In learning to let go of how others are acting or what you are assuming they’re thinking, stop and take a moment to look within on why something is bothering you. Could it just be about what might be going on in their life? Is it a mirror reflection/your shadow of something that you don’t like about yourself, or is it a limiting belief that needs to be transmuted into the positive? When you’re willing to take a look within, you allow yourself to heal that which is ready to be revealed.
I also work with private clients for Life Guidance Sessions as well as other services. For more information, please visit my website at www.MayLynne.com or you can email me at ML@MayLynne.com