Do you love yourself?
Not just the surface parts of the self, but the deepness of the humanness and the soul aspect. The dark shadow and the light shadow?
Loving myself fully has been a big part of my spiritual journey, as with most of you. Every day I am learning to love more aspects of myself, the uniqueness that is, and the beauty that is unfolding.
In my healing process recently, I have diligently been working on financial stability and my overall health and fitness, and I’ve experienced a realization in how deep the love of self really goes.
During a channeled meditation with my Spirit Guide Adona, she guided me along a corridor of how my ego self saw my life. The corridor was dark, cold and damp and long. There were closed doors that represented different parts of my life: my work, my health, my social ventures, relationships, etc., and as I opened the doors the rooms were just as dark, cold and damp.
Adona showed me that through my awakening, my ego’s belief in the struggle of life and the need to maintain control, that I had forgotten how to fully grow life and love into the aspects of myself.
I was astonished at how something so easy, so beautiful had seemed to get lost along the way.
I return to this meditation often, bringing light, life and love into the corridor and into each room. I remove the ceilings and allow for the sun and blue sky to bring light, wildflowers and lush grass grow on the ground, and I invite in the unconditional love of the Universe and Spirit into every crevice.
During a recent conversation with a dear friend, she was giving me some insight into my health and fitness. Sometimes we all need some clarity from others, especially when we are so intimate with the subject. I was aware that I had let go of my healthy eating ways and had even stopped exercising. I used the excuse that I had been consuming myself in work and didn’t allow for meal prep or any type of exercising.
She gave me some suggestions to help with my eating and then tuned into a revelation about my non-existent exercise program. She said that it had to do with a loss. She said that I had stopped walking because of a loss of a friendship.
I quickly traced back the months… and it was so true. Walking for exercise was what this friend and I did together, every week. When she decided to no longer be friends I was devastated. She was one of those friends that I thought would be in my life forever. Her reasoning didn’t quite make sense to me, but she was adamant. So, I honored her wishes.
A few months later she asked to come back into my life, not as friends, but as teacher/student. Her being the teacher, me the student. That is how we built our friendship, she was one of my teachers.
One of the things she helped me heal the most as my teacher was equality in relationships. How I perceived myself with my peers, romantic partners, family members and vice versa. “You are worthy,” she would constantly tell me.
I am all about still learning on my journey. I still take all the classes that I possibly can, we are students this entire journey. And I am grateful for my teachers.
She wasn’t asking for equality, but indifference. I was grateful in that moment that I could see that clearly in that moment. That was something that had been very difficult for me to see in my past relationships.
In these moments of realization, I could clearly see how deeply this had affected me.
I had been unloving myself.
All the cheese quesadillas, all the plopping myself down on the couch binge-watching Netflix and not journaling was a whole lotta repression.
I had unconsciously stopped walking because of the hurt of this relationship. Unconsciously not wanting to be reminded of what we did together and what I had missed.
Yes, it’s okay to allow that for a day or two, maybe even a few days. But when you allow it to go on for months and months without allowing yourself to get out of it or even look towards the healing aspects, you are creating a cycle of repression that just goes round and round like a merry-go-round.
I know this. I teach this. But when it hits to your deepest core, it affects you. It’s the human way.
I began reflecting on all of my relationships, whether family, romantic or friendships and where my power had been. How much of myself I had given away to the circumstances of the experiences, most of the time begging for their love and when they still walked away, or I walked away curled myself into despair.
With each one, through time I picked up the lessons and was grateful for them. And began to love myself a little bit more.
I then came to my deepest clarity in this healing process:
We must learn to love our self more
than we are wanting someone else to love us.
When we love our self more, we are setting the standards, the healthy boundaries, the expectations of how we want others to treat us. And it becomes easier. Because we are treating ourselves in that same manner.
I quickly put a healthy eating program together for myself. I set the intention that every day I will do some type of exercise ~ yoga, light weights, and/or sit ups all from the comforts of my home; walking for at least 20 minutes; and even started taking Kundalini Yoga at work.
I’ve been listening to the deepest aspects of me and what I am needing: rest, journaling, a love meditation, an epsom salt bath, time with friends, a cuddle with my kitties. And in every moment being gentle, kind and compassionate towards myself.
It has been so glorifying to get back into me. I truly am loving it and myself more and more.
I invite you to dig into the beautiful deepness of you and love yourself more. You deserve it.
As always, I am here if you need some guidance and/or direction along your journey. Click here to contact me.
Sending love and magical blessings to you!