In relationships no two people come together completely healed. Some relationships may have a grander dynamic to heal than others. The coming together, the experience is meant to heal past patterns, paradigms, and your soul.
In our journey we learn to set boundaries, needs and wants that we are expecting in each of our relationships: family, children, romantic relationships, friendships, colleagues, and the world. In each type of relationship, there may be some different expectations ~ you don’t expect the same from family as colleagues like showing up for a holiday dinner. However, the underlying current, the main foundation of all relationships is the same no matter the type.
It’s an important practice to sit with ourselves to determine what that boundaries are. To be clear in understanding with ourselves, so that we can communicate them clearly when the opportunity comes into our reality.
When we are specifically talking about romantic relationships, our humanness will sometimes let those boundaries fall, easily and effortlessly. Especially if we are healing self~worth and deservedness. Why? Because we are wanting love. And someone is standing in front of us, so they must be willing to give that to us.
Even when someone is “your person”, you must hold true to what your boundaries are, maintain the precedence of what you are wanting. Our humanness thinks, “Well, they should know, they should be willing, they should easily do this for me.” Our humanness is forgetting or letting slip out of our minds that the two have come together to heal and there must be the communication of boundaries of what is needed. That is how integration comes into play, by putting it into practice.
Our humanness wants the relationship to come in a pretty white box with a pink ribbon and a beautiful lily on it. Perfect in its arrival.
In the movement of the relationship, it is important to feel the freedom of communication, to be in integrity and your power of setting the precedence for what you are wanting in the relationship without shame, guilt or the fear that the other may walk away.
If we let the fear take hold, in time we will find ourselves in the old paradigm that we have worked so hard in establishing for ourselves. As well as, unhappy, unsettled, irritated and even resentful. Things will fall apart.
I found myself in that exact same spot, in the place of brokenness. Not fully grasping what had happened. Telling Spirit, “I want it back, I want that relationship!”
“Do you? Is that truly the relationship you want?” Crystal clear response from Spirit.
I took a step back and thought about it. I care about him, I love him. Then the cloud cover began to clear, and I saw where we had allowed boundaries to crumble. Where we both ended up in the exact same spot that we swore we never wanted to be. And the questioning, “How? Why did I end up back here? This is what I was working on getting away from.”
Love. Love is the answer.
“No, no it’s not the relationship that I am wanting.”
It’s important to have compassion and understanding with ourselves and say, “Oops, I back peddled a bit, I need to re~establish my boundaries. I forgive myself, I wanted love, I got comfortable, and I let down my boundaries.” No judgement. Letting go of outcomes, letting go of attachment if that’s your person. Because it will never be the relationship you are wanting if you are not meeting each other’s needs.