On this journey we are searching. Our souls are searching.
Whether we unconscious or conscious, we can have times when we are closed off to what it is we are searching for, what it means to us and our souls. Fighting in the eye of the storm against the winged monkeys.
We can be searching for a new way of being, enlightenment, a life purpose, or healing ~ healing within, as well as healing with specific people that have been and/or are currently in our life.
The test is, will we answer the calling of our souls?
Recently, my Mom and I took a trip to Kansas. The trip was originally planned to celebrate my niece’s 21st birthday. I was excited to go and celebrate her. What I didn’t know was that Spirit had other plans in mind.
I made the decision that since I was going all the way to Kansas, I also wanted to see my step-brother and step-sister and their families, and step-Dad. It had been about 30 years since we had seen each other. Our only communication has been through good ole Facebook. I have missed my brother and sister very much and was excited to see them.
My step-Dad, well, I had a very healthy boundary with him. Within a month of my awakening, I received a letter from him apologizing for everything that had happened 20 years before and during my childhood.
As I was reeling from my own devastation of my marriage ending, I couldn’t deal with the issues with him in the moment. It was about two years later that I wrote him a letter sharing my feelings and how I stood with him, what had happened, and our relationship moving forward. I put up a boundary that we could be Facebook friends, but that was it. I let them all know that I wanted to have a little reunion, that included all of us, including our half-brother and his kids whom I see every summer.
I didn’t know what to expect seeing my step-Dad again, if I would change my stance or it would stay right where it was. But I feel that life, Spirit, the Universe, gives you these opportunities, these fork in the roads to make a choice. We can either continue walking the same path, or we can choose something different, something that can allow us to grow and expand.
Something that our soul is searching for.
The reunion was set for the day after our arrival at my older brother’s motorcycle clubhouse. It was awesome as it had plenty of space for us all to enjoy each other all day. They have a full kitchen, barbeque, big tv, pool table and music. We were all very excited, but also quietly nervous.
Seeing my older brother and sister was priceless. We held onto each other tightly. Reminiscing of the past. It was touching at how traumatizing parts of our life were, especially at the end of our parent’s marriage, that we each still had wonderful memories of our childhood together. “Remember when…” was a consistent beginning of a sentence that day.
Our favorite times were camping in Big Bear or O’Neill Park. We would go fishing, play kick~the~can with other kids, eat Dinty Moore Stew (which I’m sure would be disgusting now! Lol), and of course roast marshmallows for s’mores!
My step-Dad and his wife came to the party a little bit later. The moment I saw him a well of emotions began to creep up within me, rising from my sacral chakra to my throat. I was surprised at how much was still there.
Yes, I am an intuitive healer. I sense things, I feel things, I know things. But sometimes when we’re really busy with life, or we haven’t completely honed in on something, or Spirit is not showing you something, things surprise you.
I was on the other side of the clubhouse when he walked in, plenty of space and people in between us. Thankfully. It gave me a moment to center myself and get my breathing in check.
I walked into the kitchen where my little brother and his girlfriend were and took a deep, deep breath. “Wow,” I said, “There’s a whole lot more there than I realized.” They made sure that I was okay, and I went back out to greet him.
My step-Dad was excited to see me, thrilled actually. He hugged me tightly saying that it was so good to see me. The next hour or so was spent with intermittent casual conversations. Easy peasy.
He called me over a bit later, thanking me for allowing him into his life again. Saying that it had been a long time. I said, “Yes, well there was a lot that went on.” I’m not going to go into what happened because even though I was a part of it, it wasn’t about me and it’s not my story to tell.
As we discussed the happenings of the past, I found myself heatedly, not screaming, but with reemerged emotion defending my feelings and how it had affected me in my life.
This was a new way of being for me.
One of my biggest lessons has been to use my voice, to express myself freely and completely. I found in these moments face to face with him the ability to do so. The ability to say everything I needed to say.
So many moments in my life with so many people that I have cowered away from confrontation, cowered away from speaking my truth, cowered away from saying everything that I needed to say.
This was not one of them.
Realizations swept over me. Realizations that pertain to every type of relationship, old relationships, current relationships and new relationships.
Perceptions are people’s thought forms ~ it doesn’t make them right, it doesn’t make them wrong. When we choose to not find the truths of situations, perceptions and doubt remain. Truth remains to be unknown, untouched.
It’s important to allow ourselves to see where someone is in their own journey. To be able to see their humanness as well as their soul. We all have a part of us that still stands in our humanness, it may be different or the same as where someone else stands.
There are going to be those times that we may never understand the reasoning of the choices that people make, even with the ability to see the humanness and soul aspects.
In forgiveness we can still have boundaries, still set a line with how much we are willing to let that person in our life, or maybe not at all. That is our choice.
You will often hear me say, “Healing is like the layers of an onion. We don’t always peel off every single layer at once. We may peel one off now, maybe another in a week, maybe another in five years, or ten, or thirty.” The point is to peel off the layer that has lifted and let go.
I’m ever so grateful for the change in plans that Spirit brought to my siblings, my step-Dad and I. We all came together after so much hurt and angst, looking for something. Wanting something that we couldn’t quite touch… until now.
In walking the yellow brick road to healing~
As the lion, we all found the courage to come together
As the scarecrow, we all healed our heart
As Dorothy, we found our way home… thirty years later, to
peace, understanding and compassion of where each of us is in our journey.
Where can you take the yellow brick road to healing?